For the last few weeks I have been really stressing out about my upcoming birthday, I literally don’t want to admit to the fact that I am turning 30 at all. I keep saying that I am going to be 29 again and I honestly think I will continue to say that now. I have for years had my Dad in my bloody ear saying its all down hill for women when they hit 30 and although I know he is messing around, it has really stuck in my mind and had a profound affect on me.
It got me thinking though, is age just a number? Are you as old as you feel? Or is this it am I really going to go south from here? Now I must admit I feel loads more positive which I wrote about in A New Found Confidence.
I told Bradley that I don’t want to celebrate it after he asked me if I wanted a party, my reply was something along the lines of “If you throw me a party I will cry and not speak to you” which I know sounds really crappy of me, but I don’t want to celebrate something that actually makes me feel sick when I think about it. I have spoken to loads of people about it and tried to explain to them how it makes me feel, but the majority of them just look at me funny and can’t understand it. Alot of my friends who have already turned 30 said they weren’t bothered and age is just a number, you are as old as you feel, but that is the problem!!! Heading into my thirties actually makes me feel old, I don’t feel so young and sprightly anymore. Now it could all just be in my head and if I accept it and embrace it then maybe I wont feel so rubbish. Some of my friends however said they dreaded it and can completely understand where I am coming from. I think it boils down to the fact that so much has happened in my twenties, I had my 2 lovely daughters, met Bradley and married him,met some amazing friends and also lost some of my closet family, I made some of the most horrendous mistakes, went through probably my worst bout of depression, fought the hardest battles and came back stronger than ever. As much as I wouldn’t want to go through half of it again, it makes me wonder what I can achieve in my 30’s is it all going to be boring?
When you google the term ” How women feel turning 30″ it only comes up with turning 30 mid crisis, turning 30 depression and pre- 30 meltdown, come on if that is what shows up there is no bloody hope for me feeling better about it is there?
How did you feel about turning 30? Did you celebrate it big style or low key? Any tips or advice on how I could embrace it rather than fear it?