Has anybody else heard the advert where the woman is in the shower and she gets an idea for book/film so she shouts to her phone so it can take notes?
Well that was me the other night, stood in the shower, feeling pretty down and a little lost, with the question spinning around in my head – who am I?? Now this isn’t some sort of trick question, i hadn’t gone mad and suddenly forgot my name or anything like that. I mean it as in who am I for me.
I’m a wife, daughter, mother, friend, Aunty and work colleague but I just feel like I am all those things for other people and not actually anything for myself. I’m not sure if other people feel like this at times or not, but it’s something that I am experiencing right now. I know that my head isn’t in a great place, I mean who else wakes up on a Sunday morning at 7:45 and just cries to their husband, without any real explanation apart from I just feel crappy and continues to fight the tears all day, even while I was in the midst of my daughters birthday party.
I am currently feeling anxious about normal everyday situations that I do time and time again, not really wanting to face the world or people. Feeling like am just wandering around in a bit of a daze. Bradley suggested that I go back to the doctors, which I know has helped in the past, but then I think to myself, what the hell do I have to feel ‘depressed’ about. If anything I should be on top of the world right now, we are seeing the boys again, we have got a new car sorted, we have had our family holiday, we are more financially stable than we have ever been, I have a fantastic husband, the girls are amazing and about to finish school for the summer, I got my promotion at work like I wanted! I mean let’s face it those are all amazing things that I should be happy about, yet here I am feeling pretty numb about it all.
I guess I am just feeling like I have lost my way a little, and I don’t know how to pull myself out of this. I can read the signs of my mood dipping a lot quicker than I ever could in my younger years, but the getting out of it is still a struggle and battle. I have that gut wrenching, stomach in knots feeling, but I know as soon as I get to work, I need to put that smile on my face, push that feeling right to the back of my mind and I suppose pretend to be a completely different person.
Does anybody else have this? How do you deal with it? Do you have certain techniques that help to left the dark mood?